HPL#11 – Have a great day!: How keeping your head down helps your build progress

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-2c6jp-ee781c

“What your day looks like depends on where you need to get to. Every day needs to contain proofs of the end goal you want to achieve.” – Andri Stander

Who hasn’t had a rough year? It doesn’t matter what the year is. When you stretch out your timeline long enough to contain all the things that have happened to you and what you need to achieve, chances are you are increasing the level of stress in your life.

The secret to fighting this is to shrink that timeline to just focus on today. If you can make today great and then tomorrow and then the next, chances are you will achieve more than you would have if you thought about the future too much.

In this episode Andri shares some stories from some tough years in his life and what focusing on the short term does to improve personal progress towards a goal and increase performance.

Keep your head down and get done what needs to be done today and you will have a great day.

HPL#10 – Humbler, Better, Smarter : How to Learn for High Performance with Rito Hlungwani

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-nmwct-ed1ca0

“I hate sitting in a room and having people talk about something I can’t contribute to…so I work hard, I’m curious, I read a lot, I learn from other coaches. My mindset is I want to stay sharp…” – Rito Hlungwani (Stormers Super Rugby Forwards Coach)

Follow Rito on Twitter

On the HPL Podcast episode #10 Andri and Rito discuss his professional coaching career as a study on the role that learning plays in building a high performance life.

Learning is the key ingredient in preparation, which is the foundation of success, regardless of the field you are in. In this episode you will hear why it is important to cultivate a passion for learning, whichever form it takes. You will also learn that, whether you like reading, mentorship, studying or observation, converting knowledge into application is the key growth process in moving towards your mission.

Rito mentioned a number of books during the conversation, you can find them on the links below:

The Art of War – Sun Tzu

The Talent Code – Daniel Coyle

The Culture Code – Daniel Coyle

Bounce – Matthew Syed

No Easy Day – Mark Owen

Extreme Ownership – Jocko Willink and Leif Babin

HPL#9 – Run or Ride: Digging yourself out of mentally challenging times

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-9tbvz-ebe7f0

“Sometimes you just have to take your focus off the longer term and grind through each day at a time”(paraphrased) – Andri Stander

At this stage everyone is tired of talking or hearing about Covid-19 and the lockdown. But the fact is that it still affects all of us and will continue to do so for a long time to come.

If you are mentally worn out or stressed out because of the uncertainty left behind by this pandemic, you might have lost a job, income, closed your business or worse, then you might take some heart from my own personal approach to moving forward.

For more content on this topic, I wrote an article on the story of Mauro Prosperi a while back. It is incredibly inspirational and teaches us to never give up, even if we really want to.

Run or ride is about alternating between your longer term and your short term focus. In really tough times, it’s often good to just keep your eyes on the couple of yards in front of your feet.

HPL#8 – Never, ever give up: Overcoming setbacks and adversity with Annie Bothma

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-26szb-eacd5b

“Running became a way for me to escape my problems…[it] taught me to overcome my illness, it’s the thing that makes me feel capable.” – Annie Bothma (Runner and Endurance Athlete)

Episode #8 features, perhaps, one of the most inspiring stories of overcoming adversity that you may ever listen to. Andri chats to South African endurance athlete and Olympic marathon hopeful, Annie Bothma.

Annie has battled illnesses and setbacks for most of her life while also building a career as a professional athlete. She was diagnosed with coeliac disease as well as hypopituitarism by the age of 18, illnesses which still pose a daily challenge for her. She has also had to recover from two major motor accidents and a serious fall to be able to be in a position today to challenge for a place at the 2021 Tokyo Olympics.

There is nothing more inspiring than a story of pure grit and tenacity in the face of serious adversity. Viktor Frankl wrote that Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

Annie epitomises this response, refusing to be a victim but a champion and hero, regardless of where she stands on a podium.

Visit Annie’s site to follow her incredible story or follow her progress on Instagram to see what’s she’s up to.

 

 

HPL#7 – Forget the goals and enjoy the ride towards a fit lifestyle with Vicky van der Merwe

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-xdz9b-e9ca8b

“…if you’ve got a goal and you achieve it, awesome, celebrate it. But then life goes on. You mustn’t always get so caught up in goals, it must also be [about] enjoying it.” – Vicky van der Merwe (International Triathlete and Coach)

The HPL Podcast Episode #7 features international triathlete and coach, Vicky van der Merwe.

Vicky started Triathlon at age 15 while at Bloemhof Girls’ School in Stellenbosch. Under the guidance of Libby Burrel (who is still her mentor) she moved to Australia after school to train under Olympic coach Stephen Moss. Since then she has raced in over 40 countries, competed in the International Triathlon Circuit and trained under various Olympic Coaches while also completing her LLB Law degree.

Career highlights include: 2016 Rio Olympic Triathlon Squad; SA Team for Rio Olympic Test event in 2015; Multiple South African and African Junior Triathlon Champ; 3 x Biathle World Champ; and Provincial colours in 9 different sports.

In the HPL podcast #7 Vicky chats about her transition into becoming a top-level triathlete and competing on the world stage. She made a transition into coaching when she started the Stellenbosch Triathlon Squad as a training squad for athletes, which has since grown into a 200+ athlete training group, including elite-level athletes, lifestyle athletes and beginners.

We discussed the value of becoming a lifelong ‘lifestyle athlete’, regardless of fitness level, and how the best way to develop this is to not focus too much on setting goals, but rather to focus on consistent activity, regardless of training level.

This is a great high performance chat for people who are considering taking the step into changing their life and health through training, but don’t know how to get going. The best start you can give yourself is to join a group that builds a sense of community around your same desired fitness lifestyle and to enjoy the process, rather than fixate on the outcome.

THE STELLENBOSCH TRIATHLON SQUAD PAGE

VICKY VAN DER MERWE AND STS ON SOCIAL MEDIA

The High Performance Life Podcast is here!

It’s time!

I’m happy to say that I managed to commit to another project that I can now launch. Welcome to the High Performance Life podcast, the show for people who want to build a life that feels successful.

Everyone admires successful people, purely out of a desire to emulate their success. This is a podcast where I chat to people who want to share their stories and lessons and building success through living a performance-based lifestyle.

In my time working with young professional athletes, working with entrepreneurs and studying behavioural psychology, I learnt that there is a process or framework that can be applied as a system that works towards personally-defined success.

All top performers and achievers think, plan and act in a specific way that is intentionally aimed at their success. This thinking, planning and action process is forward focussed, positive and purpose-driven.

Tune in to learn how my guests managed to build a lifestyle that is consistently aimed at performance and success and stick around if you want to do the same.

HPL #26 -Just Imagine: How to Cultivate Long-Term Confidence by programming your Subconscious Mind The High Performance Life with Andri Stander

"You imagine who you wanna be, then you go out and you do, and as an end result you will have…" David Karasek is an Olympian and former Swiss swimming champion. Today he is a mental performance coach, currently reaching many top professional athletes through his Tribe of Athletes coaching business. On the HPL#26 David and I spoke about the role of visualisation in developing long term success, especially using confidence as the most important tool in seeing your future self achieving what you want. In this episode you will learn: 1. How to programme your subconscious mind using conscious mental visualisation, 2. How you can use cultivated emotions to battle external setbacks that demotivate you, 3. How to cultivate confidence as the link between your dream and its achievement.   Follow David on Instagram Check out his other events and programmes here
  1. HPL #26 -Just Imagine: How to Cultivate Long-Term Confidence by programming your Subconscious Mind
  2. HPL#25 – Connection, Culture & Context: How successful leadership is about creating engaging team environments with Joey Mongalo
  3. HPL#24 – Cry like a Man!: How ownership, mentorship and purposeful identity develops healthy masculinity with Dylan Roos
  4. HPL#23 – You are in Control (Part 2): How to apply a high performance mindset to your career with Jack Birtwhistle
  5. HPL#23 – You are in Control (Part 1): How the cliches can help you design a personal high performance system with Jack Birtwhistle
  6. HPL#22 – Why limit yourself to the Outcome?: How the real pro's find balance & perspective in the process with Nic Groom
  7. HPL#21 – In the Present Tense: How being in the moment and not the mind improves performance with Riki Cribb
  8. HPL#20 – Happ(ier) New Year (Part 2): 9 Great questions to make a great year
  9. HPL#20 – Happ(ier) New Year (Part 1): Great lessons from my guests in 2020
  10. HPL#19 – Achieving the Impossible: How a mindset in motion drives you to your biggest life goals with Sarah Arnold Hall

Mauro’s Story – How to thrive when your mind is stuck in the desert

Photo by Wilson Szeto on Unsplash

The Story of Mauro Prosperi, the policeman from Sicily

Mauro opened the door to the old building, which seemed very out of place in the huge desert he had already been lost in for almost four days. He was severely dehydrated and had already started drinking his own urine at that stage. His survival had depended on it. 

As he stepped into the darkness, he realised that the air was quite a bit cooler than the pressing heat outside. The immediate bit of relief was refreshing. As the light streamed in and his eyes became accustomed to the contrasting darkness he noticed the grave in the middle of the building.

He had stumbled into a marabout (the burial shrine of an Islamic holy man).

The irony of him having wandered into a house for the dead in the middle of a desert wasn’t lost on him.

He made himself as comfortable as he could under the circumstances. This did, after all, feel a bit like a home for the moment, seeing as it had walls and a roof. 

He climbed up to the tower to hang the flag he had kept for the finish line, a hopeful sign to remind any search parties that the lost Italian runner had moved into the area.

Suddenly he noticed noises in the roof above him. Perched in a colony in the ceiling were dozens of bats, which explained the smell he had earlier attributed to rats. He had, for the meantime, solved the problem of food and hydration. Some animals gain their food and water from other animals because they eat them raw. Mauro was able to also capitalise on this dual purpose that the uncooked insides of the bats offered him.

On his third day at the Marabout he heard the noise of a motorised propeller. He ran outside and saw the small plane overhead and realised he would need to build a fire if he had any chance of revealing his whereabouts.

He quickly dug a pit and set alight the only flammable items he had: his sleeping bag, backpack and fleece shirt. 

As if the desert had a sick sense of humour, it brought forth another massive sandstorm just as the smoke started rising from the polyester fire. The last sandstorm had been the one that got him lost on day four of his race, nearly seven days ago.

The aeroplane continued on its path undeterred by the signal smoke fading in the storm.

Mauro cowered back into the marabout through the pounding sand. In a final feeling of deep desperation, caught in the realisation that he had just burnt up all his warm kit whilst watching his last hope fly away, he decided to speed up the inevitable. After all, he wanted to avoid the fear of suffering, which he believed to be much stronger than the fear of dying.

He picked up a piece of charcoal and scratched a parting message on the wall, asking forgiveness of his wife for coming on the trip she never consented to. He tossed his writing instrument to the side, took out his pocket knife, cut into the veins on his wrist and slowly went to sleep.

A trailer for the 30th Marathon des Sables, which was held in 2015 (From MDS channel on YouTube)

The 1994 Marathon des Sables (Marathon of the Sands)

Mauro Prosperi was a former Olympic Pentathlete who never shied away from a challenge. When he was invited by his friend, Giovanni Manzo, to join him on a six-day, 155 mile foot race through the Sahara desert, he hardly hesitated.

The race would take place in one of the hottest and most desolate places known to man and was considered arguably the toughest footrace on the planet. The indemnity form included a section where entrants had to indicate what race organisers should do with their body ‘should they not make it’. This enticed Prosperi even more.

Four days into the race Mauro got caught in a terrible sandstorm. He was placed in 4th position at that stage, which made him determined to fight through the wind and sand.

After venturing through the pounding storm for some time, he realised it was in vain and decided to find some shelter. After all, the threat of the small dunes swallowing him up as they shifted with the wind became all too real. 

The storm lasted for nearly eight hours.

When he woke up to the sun shining on his face, he also awoke to a landscape which had changed completely in the strong storm. The landmarks which had previously gave him direction were gone and replaced with new ones.

He started running again in which he believed was the right direction, all the while believing he would catch up to the walkers and other back markers at any time.

After several hours and no sign of other runners he realised he was lost. He began to walk, as there was no further use of running.

“I had crows following me for some time. They thought I was going to die. They were waiting for it. I was slowly getting weaker, I could feel it. My willpower was the only thing that gave me the strength not to succumb.

Mauro Prosperi

Day 1 became the first night of being lost. And then day 2 and the second night. He had started preparing himself for what would be an unknown amount of time alone in the desert: he was rationing his food and peed into his bottle. The earlier he peed the better, as the urine later turns dark and totally undrinkable when dehydration becomes severe.

He also forced race organisers to equip future runners with heavier, more effective flares in following races, as the small lipstick-sized one he carried was useless in signalling the rescue helicopter that was sent out to find him on day 2 of being lost. It seemed he would remain lost.

On day 4, he stumbled onto the marabout…

The situation was very serious because four days had passed and we were getting closer to that fateful fifth day. In the desert, that’s enough for a person to be considered dead. So they started talking about stopping the search [for Mauro].”

Giovanni Manzi (Mauro’s friend and MDS 1994 race partner)

We all get lost

Everyone has problems. Sometimes they are small and slightly uncomfortable, like a flat tyre. Other times they are much more severe and derail our whole mental and emotional capacity, like a divorce, losing your job or the death of a loved one.

My current philosophy is not to venture into creating too much Covid-content, purely because I’m trying to not think about it too much anymore. But the fact is that this article is being created exactly two months after we were locked in in South Africa, which means the mental fatigue is real.

A lot of people across the globe are really deep in trouble physically and financially. And even worse is the trouble it is causing to us all mentally. It’s really tough. For those without work it’s an uncertainty over where next month’s money will come from.

If you have a loved one that is sick, it’s the uncertainty over whether you might see them again or if their health will return to normal. 

Ironically enough, this time is also forcing families to spend an incredible amount of time together, which might be pushing a lot of unsurfaced relational issues to the top. This is especially stressful for families where dad is at work most of the time, or where dropping kids at school is a great escape for mom. Now both parents are forced to school them every day. This is great if your family is in a healthy state, but for a lot of people it’s just scratching open deep scars.

Even if you aren’t reading this under lockdown circumstances, you know that you go through your own personal deserts sometimes. I can really hit them hard when I choose to venture to the darker side of my mind and start blaming my circumstances for my problems.

The fact is that when we get lost in our troubles, it is also our own responsibility to find a way out without having to choose the most drastic option. We have to work very hard to find the smallest areas of light that help us keep moving forward. We just might find salvation in the strangest places.

There is always salvation after the storm; if we choose it

Well, maybe it’s not my time yet…”

Mauro Prosperi

The next morning Mauro opened his eyes as if waking up from a normal night’s sleep. He looked to his wrists and saw that the wound had clotted. He had survived and his dehydration had saved him, making his blood too thick to flow from the cut.

He immediately seized his fortunes as a second chance. From then on he refused desperation and knew he would survive, there was just no other option anymore.

He packed what he still had and started walking again. He knew that moving was akin to surviving and perhaps even thriving. For the next couple of days he became a desert dweller, finding snakes, mice, lizards and desert plants to eat.

It was in this time where the desert became a source of inspiration that would always inspire him for the rest of his life. When he chose survival, the desert allowed him to thrive.

His resilience paid off when, on day 8 of being lost, he arrived at a small oasis. He slowly drank as much water as he needed while resting for the day.

Noticing the footprints of goats leading away from the oasis, he realised that they would only have been led there by people, so he started following the tracks.

On day 10 he was found. A girl wandering through the desert ran away frightened when he waved at her, leading him to a tent occupied by some women. They nursed him with shade, water and food and contacted a military base nearby for further help.

A couple of days later, back in Sicily, his wife received a phone call from an Algerian military hospital. ‘Did you already have my funeral?’ was the best greeting Mauro could muster under the circumstances. Fortunately for him she had believed in his resilience as much as he did.

Mauro has what I call ‘insane sanity’. Some call it resilience, but resiliency is getting knocked down but getting back up. But with insanity, when you get knocked down, you never land. Mauro never hits the ground.”

Cinzia Pagliari (Mauro’s ex-wife)
The desert that Mauro Prosperi had to survive in for 10 days – Photo by Andrzej Kryszpiniuk on Unsplash

We can go off-course and still make it

Mauro Prosperi was finally found 180 miles (290km) off course in Algeria, Morocco’s neighbour to the south-east. He had wandered and survived beyond the beliefs of most people and, even though he had lost 16kg and took two years to recover, he returned to compete in the same race four years later.

People have an incredible strength of will. We are made to fight for survival and to get out on the other side of a challenge with the power to thrive. All we need is the ability to switch our thinking to focus on how we are going to make it, rather than to allow our mind to only see the realities of our struggles.

We have everything we need. We live in a time where opportunity surpasses our obstacles. Reframe whatever problem you have and find something to either get over it, or change your focus to something completely new. Mauro Prosperi had to suck it up and do things he would never do in periods of comfort. His survival depended on trying new things.

This is as good a time as any to face up to the dark corners of your mind and to shift your focus to things that will, once the tough times are behind you for a while, make you strong enough to flourish when trouble strikes again.

Find a vision that pulls your mind into a better picture of your future, start planning the actions you need to do to get you there and then start doing them.

What struck me was [Mauro’s] positive attitude and the fact that he did everything with enthusiasm. It seemed everything was possible with him.

Cinzia Pagliari
The Revenant: I shouldn’t be alive featuring Mauro Prosperi (20th Century Studios – From YouTube)

Putting it together:

Think of how you can apply this to your own life:

  • You have to think better…of your circumstances and of yourself. This is always the toughest area as everything around us is out to get into our heads. Turn off the news feeds, unfollow the hashtags that remind you we are in crisis and give yourself some mental breaks. Find other sources of information that inspires you, whatever it is.
  • Restart your brain: Get some music that pumps you up on your player and go for a run or long walk. Take a cold shower when you get back and give yourself some really good quiet or meditation time in the mornings so you can reset your thought patterns.
  • Find something great to focus on: Get a project that excites you, such as a new business, a superior fitness level, a new skill you need to master or a field you want more knowledge on. I know this sounds like a cliche, but it really works.
  • Map your growth: Write down the activities that will collectively make the above a success. Write down what and where you will learn, implement or practice and what the best times are to do it. Use mental scripting, habit stacking or other behavioural tools to lay out a plan of action.
  • Start doing: Dive in and do what needs to be done. Start very small and pick it up as you get better. Progress is the best motivator, so try and keep track of everything you do as a scorecard. Link every action to the purpose of your plan – that which you want to get better at or achieve so you build a burning passion to complete every task you set yourself.
  • Take a break: You have to rest as well. Don’t mind doing nothing for a day, as long as you plan for it. Use it as a reward for achieving some of the above action goals on your scorecard. Your mind is fragile, so you have to be kind to it for it to be kind to you.

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Creating a Culture of Ownership: How leaders can build a system of discipline

(*Part 3 in a three-part series on Ownership)

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

Every team has a Harry

He is the player who is never plugged into the needs of the team; or his own for that matter. He is that team member who believes he can enjoy reward without effort. 

For leaders who have a passion for managing talent from recruitment through to high performance, these players tend to be bitter personal disappointments. It really irks me when a very talented youngster fails to convert their gifts into performance on the back of their own selfishness and ill-discipline.

Although I don’t believe there is a perfect model for developing disciplinary protocol in a team, it is essential to have a formal stance on dealing with problem players. Even if it is a laissez-faire one, every team leader needs to know what the philosophy is.

Here are some tools on building disciplinary systems that I’ve taken from my time working with young professional teams or picked up from colleagues in other systems:

1. Make discipline a team sport

Strong teams will always be in favour of group behaviour that allows everyone the ability to perform, whether it’s sport or work, so it would be meaningful to make the practice of team discipline a group project.

A great way to make discipline a personal matter is to attach it to the values of the team. Any team that is worth its success will have a set of values or themes that drives their behaviour.

Once a team agrees on its values, they should define and list the types of behaviour that would characterise the growth or devaluation of the team’s performance environment. A lack of discipline entails diverting from the team’s values.

This list of positive and negative behaviours constitutes the team’s code of conduct and draws its boundaries for disciplined behaviour. 

Having this process run by the team ensures ownership of any outcomes that may arise from disciplinary issues during a season.

2. Make sure every action has a reaction

If, for example, Extreme Sacrifice, is one of your team values that prioritises the performance needs of the team above personal luxuries, then drinking the night before a game, arriving late for sessions or not doing personal prep would be behaviours liable for consequence.

Consequences for transgressions should be decided upon upfront, be simple, limited to a handful of ‘transgressions-and-punishments’ to avoid an onerous rulebook and their nature requires full team buy-in. They should also be meaningful for players to want to avoid them.

Consequences can range from spot-fines and menial tasks (minor infringements), to matchday suspensions and eventual dismissal (serious infractions). It is up to the team and management to decide what is fair given their philosophy on discipline.

3. Appoint an objective executioner in your team

Make sure that the result of the above process is a one-page document that each player gets to sign and stick up on his wall. This places firm responsibility for its implementation in their hands.

If players have a guide for performance-driven behaviour then there can never be an excuse when they decide to entertain their own desires above the needs of the team.

The most powerful use for this code of conduct is that it acts as a third party that makes decisions unemotionally and objectively. This takes the onus away from management to try and make consistent calls every time someone transgresses. The team’s own code of conduct essentially makes the decision on the outcomes of misbehaviour.

There will be times when misbehaviour can’t be accurately categorise. In these cases there needs to be a mechanism to interpret the code of conduct and implement its application. Such a mechanism is discussed next.

4. Involve senior team leadership in team discipline

It’s always recommended to empower senior members of a team to apply the terms of a code of conduct when needed. The code of conduct originated as a team-driven process so the resulting consequences should be driven by its leaders.

Almost all teams will appoint a senior players group, so to task them with this process is a no-brainer. Team management can vary the control of this process depending on the age and experience of its players.

Older athletes can take more control of the disciplinary process up to a point where top professional teams often have their full disciplinary systems run by the senior players.

The severity of the transgressions also determines the level of player involvement. You don’t want to call a leadership meeting every time a player arrives late. You know your system is working when players feel empowered to solve misbehaviour themselves.

5. Consistency is king

It is crucial to create a system of consequence that means something. Meaning is created by consistently and effectively applying your discipline system for the whole season.

A disciplinary system especially starts to suffer during the later stages of the year. Certain team members might have become crucial to success, so when they misbehave, leadership often won’t follow through on punishment.

Long seasons also affect the energy levels of leadership so management members’ willingness to engage in off-field challenges dwindles as a year gets long.

A good solution for this is to make disciplinary problems part of a specific management member’s portfolio, which effectively makes it part of his year-end KPI’s towards the team.

6. Hang the dirty laundry out to air and then move on

Make sure that the team is aware of any player transgressions that deserve attention. This puts guilty parties on the spot and ensures team members know there are consequences for breaking protocol.

There is no need to shame anyone in this process. Allow transgressing players to take ownership of their breach of protocol in front of their teammates and then allow them to move on. 

Get teammates to encourage this practice of honesty and support and praise team members who own their mistakes. This practice can build a culture of safety and keeps a clear line within which to perform. People generally focus better when they know where the boundaries are.

7. If the person can’t change, change the personnel

Needless to say, if it is clear that a player is never going to start pulling his weight, replace him with someone who is.

This is a straightforward principle, but not always simple to implement.

It’s not easy to transfer a player mid-season. Likewise, contracts often can’t be terminated without a long and arduous formal disciplinary process. This often requires more energy than what it would cost to just reduce a difficult player’s gametime.

If benching a constant problem-player is the chosen route, make sure to have a strategy in place should they use this as a good reason to really derail their behaviour.

The best route, if not immediate dismissal, I believe, is to notify him that he will not be receiving a contract extension once his current agreement ends. This will often kick them into gear, but effectively it opens the way for him to start his exit from your organisation. If you can transfer him straight away, even better.

If you are lucky, he just might request an early release from his contract!

picturequotes.com

8. Don’t take it personally

If you have truly done what you can and followed the above steps, you should never take a team member’s continued poor character as a failure of your own leadership. It is your responsibility to create a receptive environment to allow players to grow, but if a player simply isn’t willing to, then don’t dwell on it.

What is your responsibility, however, is to put the plan in place to deal with people like this. Always act when needed, keep a record of every discussion with the player and then make the tough calls when needed.

Leadership’s overarching goal is to build strong teams, win titles and be sustainably profitable. These are the tenets for survival of any organisation, so if an individual is continuously going to undermine this, without any real desire for rehabilitation, then he can’t be a part of that organisation.

Unfortunately you cannot be responsible for the fortunes of every person in your care. Everyone is responsible for their own fate. Do as much as you can to help them. And then let it go, let them go and move on.

Leadership legend, John Maxwell, condenses some of the above lessons for a business environment. (From the John C. Maxwell YouTube channel)

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OWN IT!: Admit that you are responsible for everything that happens to you

(*Part 2 in a three-part series on Ownership)

Photo by George Prentzas on Unsplash

Taking Responsibility is a tough pill to swallow

“You are the product of every decision you ever make.”

“Whatever you do, you do to you.”

“A man’s life is the result of every choice he ever makes.”

“You are (mostly) responsible for everything that happens to you.”

I buy into all these narratives on cause-and-effect living. Some of them seem harsh in light of the fact that there are people really struggling with terrible hardship or physical challenges, but even in these cases a lot of inspiring people live beyond their limitations and manage to do massive things by keeping a strong mind.

For capable and aspiring top performers in sport (and in life), however, these laws are going to stick to you as if Isaac Newton himself invented them. The important choices and sacrifices that you make during your career as a professional are going to add up and weigh the value of your commitment to success.

Sometimes situations can turn on you even if your initial intentions were entirely innocent. The irony and tough reality is that the outcomes of these events are still of your own doing.

Our rugby academy used to operate out of Stellenbosch, a student town about 30km from our main senior team’s high performance centre. It was an unfortunate tradition for some male students to prove their equivalent testosterone worthiness by picking fights with our young academy players. To be able to better a professional athlete in a pub somewhere in town proved to be a right of passage of sorts.

Although not all of our youngsters could proclaim total innocence when it came to appointing blame for the cause of a fight, the outcomes for the guilty and innocent remained the same. Injuries and sizable legal claims for physical damages turn out to be a serious roadblock to any player’s career.8

When events turn against you as a player or professional, the bravest thing you can do is to still take ownership for its outcomes. You will find that almost every undesired event can be traced back to an initial decision that you made. If you can acknowledge this as a basic principle, you are already on a good path to performance as you will be fueling the attitude that you are the one controlling your decision-making and behaviour process.

The Proof of your Responsibility shows in your day-to-day living

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”

Eleanor Roosevelt (Former First-Lady of the USA)

As a professional, everything you do affects the successful attainment of your outcomes. You can’t wish for something and then expect to get it if you don’t act in a way that reflects the character required to achieve that outcome. What you put in is what you will get out.

James Clear delivered this truth so well in his book on building better habits, aptly titled Atomic Habits. He suggests that the starting point to achieving a desired outcome is to develop an identity that successfully portrays this outcome. 

An example of this could be: ‘I am a hard-working professional that does what is required of me to be successful (and avoids that which detracts me from it)’.

He further explains that every associated action you take or don’t take, is a single vote for or against this identity. All your decisions to take action (no matter how small) drive your process of becoming the type of person you want to become.

If you are the type of aspiring professional that goes out and drinks during the week and arrives half-inebriated at training or work, or consistently breaks team protocol, you are certainly not showing your management that you are the type of performer they can rely on or should invest in in the long term.

Less obvious, yet with similar effect, are the smaller votes you cast against your identity as a performer. When you don’t sleep enough because you watch Netflix until the early hours of the  morning, or if you don’t do your recovery work, prefer the high sugar snack over the healthy one, or decide to skip that last tedious injury rehab set because your girlfriend is waiting.

Big or small and regardless of how inconsequential you might deem them to be, your actions will drive the type of performer you will become. Your decision to take responsibility for every outcome in your life will also be one of your biggest steps to professional maturity.

Poor Harry

“The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That’s the day we truly grow up.”

John C. Maxwell (Author, Speaker and Pastor)

I was mixed with anger yet real sorrow for Harry because he completely butchered some great opportunities to realise his talent. He won’t believe this because of our numerous run-ins, but I really liked him (and still do). He is an incredibly warm and influential young man. His joy and strong personality has a very real ability to lead his group of peers and I even believe him to be a great potential captain.

Unfortunately, though, Harry could never openly take responsibility for the fact that he invariably has to own his circumstances, whether willingly or not. He never realised that his lack of progress wasn’t necessarily because he wasn’t doing what was required to move forward, but because he wasn’t avoiding the things that kept him from progressing.

I also believe that the systems he was part of failed to appoint decisive and effective punishment for his actions. He continued to sidestep the type of repercussions that would have conditioned him to realise, especially in high performance, that every action has an effect on your success.

In the end, if you want to be a top performer, you have to take ownership of every potential outcome in your life and do what needs to be done to achieve the outcomes you really want.

The master of Extreme Ownership, Jocko Willink, perhaps states it best at TedX University of Nevada in 2017.

Think of how can apply this to your real life:

  • Motivation is a strong driver of Responsibility and progress drives motivation, so make sure you can measure your progress, even if it is very small. When I do core strength training, a great measure of progress is my ability to activate certain muscle groups (such as my glutes) when I am working or reading. If I can control the activation of a muscle group, I know I am getting stronger, even if activation is something that happens very quickly after you start exercising those muscles after a period of inactivity;
  • Be patient and take on small decisive actions. Success takes time so continue to steam along, don’t let setbacks turn you back to playing the blame game. Often the outcomes take longer than you’d hope, or you will achieve positive outcomes that weren’t even planned. Unplanned outcomes are often better than planned ones, because they are a more natural and organic result of your process, as opposed to something you tried to force;
  • Be the boss but be humble. You own your lifestyle but you don’t own your life. Anything can happen at any time so always be grateful that you have the ability to exercise free will, so use this freedom of choice to make a positive difference to your life and to those around you.

*My next post will focus on what we learnt about how to manage team members with a poor sense of ownership and discipline.

**Harry is mostly based on a single player who was in our academy a couple of years back, but he is also a representation of a couple of ill-disciplined players that we had to deal with over the years.

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When Harry decided to Fail: Your off-field lifestyle will predict your professional success

(*Part 1 in a three-part series on Ownership)

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

**Harry’s story

I got to know Harry during his final year of school as we were considering offering him a professional contract to attend our academy the following year.

He was perhaps one of the most talented young players I had seen at school level, almost being as well-rounded a player as others in his position at top professional level.

He had immense pace, could kick the ball a mile and was very powerful for his stature, never backing down on defence. Besides that his position-specific strengths were also exceptional. I really believed he had the ability to make it all the way to the top.

Around the time of finalising his contract, whilst in the middle of his school rugby season, he committed an offence serious enough to warrant expulsion had we been living in a time when discipline was still a clear line. It seems today that all forms of punishment have to be weighed against the possibility of upsetting the guilty party. Perhaps a strong penalty would have been the best lesson for his future. In the end he came off with a warning and we ended up still contracting him. 

We should have followed our hunch and allowed him to pursue his future elsewhere, as the next year would prove to be a massive test of our own disciplinary systems. The repercussions of his total lack of responsibility, and our failure to dish out proper punishment, played a part in one of the worst group cultures I had seen in my time working with teams.

When cause and effect are the worst of friends

It wasn’t long before Harry showed us that his ‘brush with the law’ at school didn’t teach him any meaningful lessons.

In his very first week at the academy he led his clique of friends to arrive late for a training session smelling like a distillery. They were consequently ‘rewarded’ with some laps to sweat out (and expel through other oral means) the alcohol in their system.

He led a half-hearted apology on behalf of his posse and promised to never transgress again.

A couple of weeks later he broke our code of conduct protocol by drinking in his apartment, which led to another disciplinary meeting and a stern warning. 

The rest of the year became a comedic exchange between unprofessional, arrogant ill-discipline and uncertain, ineffective application of consequences on our part as management. 

When Harry and his group of followers burnt a hole in the academy apartment’s coffee table with a hookah pipe coal, nothing happened. They were warned with some physical training and apologised, but kept their places in the academy and the team.

It was the same story when they were regularly caught drinking and smoking in the same apartment on numerous occasions. (Players could drink and smoke if they wanted, but not on the academy property). Always ‘sorry’ but never sorry enough.

We had no less than five disciplinary meetings with Harry and his mates and besides his usual empty ‘sorry we won’t do it again’, he started adding another regular tune:

‘But the other players are also doing it so it’s unfair to punish us’. The ‘others’ (who happened to be his teammates) just happened to be responsible enough to not get caught. His ill-discipline had now added the blame game to his resumé. He also accused the apartment ‘housemaster’, in charge of monitoring conduct at our facility, of targeting and purposefully trying to catch them transgressing. 

When he was finally summoned to a formal disciplinary hearing, his defence remained the same: ‘But the rest of the team are also doing it, we are being unfairly targeted’. 

The labour consultant, appointed to facilitate the hearing, took the liberty of reprimanding him for not even expressing the slightest sign of remorse and for shifting blame as a strategy to improve his own ends.

By the end of the process the consultant left the outcome of the hearing to our management and, again, Harry walked away with a warning. The only difference was that, this time, the warning was written down.

It only Takes one drop to poison the watering hole

Harry’s poor discipline influenced a very talented, albeit impressionable group of friends, to also follow him into social disrepair for the season. The way this group was allowed to buck the system led to a very unhappy team culture and eventually resulted in an enormously talented intake to underachieve on their potential as a team.

Sadly, although we had some strong positive leaders in the group who were also top performers, the space created for the troublemakers to take control led to our leaders giving up on their will to sacrifice for the team. Some of them even left for other teams the following year as the perceived toxic culture was not worth their long term commitment to our structures.

Fast forward a couple of years and Harry has since missed out on any further forms of contracting due to his poor performance. He also dropped out of a university rugby scholarship due to his dismal academic results. He ‘surprisingly’ blamed his rugby commitments for his failure as a student. (On this occasion he neglected to mention that most of the ‘others’ who were also playing rugby and studying, even more difficult courses than his, all passed their years).

None of the friends he kept at the Academy have made it further in the game.

Straight Talk to performers

It doesn’t matter how good you think you are. If you manage to maintain an ill-disciplined lifestyle off the field, it will eventually catch up to you. There is no escaping this fact. You might be good enough and receive enough lucky breaks and favours from kind coaches to get you to a level of professional representation, but once you get there, you will be exposed as quickly as you can open your next bottel of beer.

There are so many top athletes who are immensely talented that failed to reach the true heights of greatness because their personalities were just too much to bare with. They failed to realise that they are part of a team and that they are responsible for the performance of one part of its collective effort. After a while another player with just as much talent but twice your character will arrive and replace you.

If you are prone to being disciplined or feel you are ‘misunderstood’ or ‘marginlised’ or ‘targeted’ by a coach or manager or leader in a team, take a serious look in the mirror and ask yourself why. Most of the time it is something you can take responsibility for and fix yourself. Don’t play the victim, play the boss and own it.

It goes without saying that often discipline problems stem from deep-rooted social challenges. If you feel misunderstood and you are really struggling to face mental challenges, which leads you to lash out as a way to deal with emotional pain, then it is still your responsibility to reach out and get help. Almost all teams and top organisations have support structures for mental health issues and offer assistance as part of their performance programmes. These are here to help you grow, so make sure you plug into them as you would any coaching resource.

10 NFL Players Whose Careers Went Downhill From Off Field Issues: From the TOTAL PRO SPORTS YouTube channel

Think of how can apply this to your real life:

  • Cultivate your responsibility muscle and take ownership for events in your life by thinking in terms of opportunities rather than challenges;
  • Don’t ever blame the economy, weather, emotions, feelings, capabilities, resources or situations. The really big outcomes occur when you act in the eye of these storms. My best time to run is when I can go outside in the cold and pouring rain with my longs, layers and a shell and stride through the billows of exhaling steam whilst pumping my running playlist in my ears. Likewise to take on the scorching heat at midday and sweat away my stress before earning that ice cold shower afterwards;
  • Make a point of never blaming anything ever again, even if something else really was the cause of your problem. Complaining and shaming won’t solve your issue. Rather take ownership of the solution and get going on fixing the problem straight away;
  • If you feel mentally drained, or worse, have a deep-rooted mental challenge that has been keeping you down for a long time, seek help and talk to someone who is qualified to help you. It might even be great to just start sharing with a friend or family member that you trust enough to share with.

*My next post will focus on taking responsibility for the outcomes in your life by building an identity that portrays successful behaviour, instead of the opposite.

**Harry is mostly based on a single player who was in our academy a couple of years back, but he is also a representation of a couple of ill-disciplined players that we had to deal with over the years.

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